Neutral

from More To Read by Evan Diem

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about

This song is about the needled insecurity that trigged my first tears in eight years.

lyrics

I just don’t wanna be hopeful
I don’t just wanna be good
I feel I’d rather be coastal
but I’m landlocked where no one sets foot

And I’m shot back into limbo
Fell straight down to the plane
Crashed too hard to write symbols
Too exhausted to be profane

And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral

Even if I know it’s not true
It feels hyper-realistic
I could be a hypochondriac
Because it might not be real but I still feel sick

And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral

And I don’t wanna be hopeless
Making hate when I can’t find love
If I never made you happy or you faked it
Hatred is better than knowing I was never enough

To tip scales either way
I’ve mapped it out with the math
I’m dead center on spectrum
Invisible line on a graph

And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral

And they say you’ve got nothing to fear though
But a slope to be sliding on
This warning sine around zero
You never know what side you’re on

And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral

credits

from More To Read, released September 1, 2020

license

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Evan Diem Syracuse, New York

Relatable songs on overly-specific subjects.

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