1. |
To Be Pulled
02:29
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You can take a break from being perfect and straight
to show you’re leaning off-center or the way that you abbreviate
in your descent, going under cover in the nice white lines
made up of all your brothers.
And they stand up straight like pickets in the suburbs
and you’re afraid to link up with each other.
They want to pull you until you change,
you can fight back hard enough and force them to accommodate.
You can be the queen with your own crown,
oh, now doesn’t that sound cool?
Scream when they pull you out, shouldn’t have been allowed to.
Loudest one they’ve gotten, mouth full of cotton wool.
You put up a fight, you know what it’s like to be pulled.
You can have your back turned or be too big,
you’ll see nobody else go as far as you did.
If when you came out you were told to be less bold
just know if they tear you out, you’ll come back gold.
You made it hard to swallow, you’re Apollo with the arrow.
If your body’s Picasso’d, you’re hollowed. you’re narrowed.
You’re a bottom up riser, a top down fighter,
you’re an inside traitor, you’re a riot inciter.
You can be the queen with your own crown,
oh, now doesn’t that sound cool?
Scream when they pull you out, shouldn’t have been allowed to.
Loudest one they’ve gotten, mouth all full of cotton wool.
You put up a fight, you know what it’s like to be pulled.
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2. |
People Face
02:22
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Crawl down in the dust in the dirt,
if you don’t get found you can never be hurt.
If you don’t wanna battle, it’ll never happen.
If you show your people face, you’ll never be combatant.
No, you’ll never be combatant.
Take leave in the space in between
the unswept floor and the frame underneath.
If there’s one who doesn’t fear you, you can be sincere to,
remember to leave a space and maybe they’ll go near you,
Yeah, maybe they’ll go near you.
If a hard break feels like decay,
don’t smile; they may run away.
Just know you’re soft to touch either way.
A lighter side, people face.
A lighter side, people face.
Walk up from the dust and debris.
Skip your heartbeat and jump a degree.
Cover up a blemish with purring pure intention.
If you show your people face, you’ll always get attention.
You’ll always get attention.
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3. |
Cat Pictures
04:39
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I will show what we can do
sending pictures of me and you.
Label them with “ich” and “du.”
This is how we lie.
This is how we communicated
around boundaries of who we dated.
The messages we mean abbreviated.
This is how we let things lie.
Where do we draw the line?
Right after feline;
before the light goes out on the pictures we send.
You were there when I was really not.
You know how dark I really got.
Will we get ever get a shot?
In the dark, we trivialize.
And we’re as cute together
as what we show each other.
And we will get another shot
in the dark, we visualize.
Where do we draw the line?
Right after feline;
before the light goes out on the pictures you see,
received from me.
I’ve written on each you’ll find.
The labels worth more than the thousands they describe.
I will show what we can do
sending pictures of me and you and
label them with “ich” and “du.”
This is where we draw the line.
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4. |
Never Go Without
02:39
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You can light up a room in a heartbeat with a heartfelt smile
Who can deny to you an eyeroll and an I heart you?
Find time at the end of your life for the selfishness that you deserve.
You can try mine, you know it’s nice, and the light will shine back from the world.
Because you’re bright overhead that never burns out
And the nights when I’m in bed, damned but not in doubt.
And I’ve acclimatized to the life that you provide
And I could never go without
Freeze frame on whose face to blame it’s pictures and pictures of you
For my happiness, who I miss. I insist, I insist it’s you
Because you’re the kite flying in the wind without a string
tethered to the earth by a love for everything.
And I’ve acclimatized to the life that you provide
and I could never do anything.
Make me a place in the heart that lights up a room with a beat.
I’ll break pace and make space in mine like you did for me
Because you’re the sweet tooth, honey in the mouth
and the hard truth and money on account.
And I’ve acclimatized to the life that you provide
and I could never go without.
No I could never go without.
I could never go without.
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5. |
Save/Quit
02:50
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What level are we on?
They say it’s darkest before the dawn
but then it’s darkest before it’s gone.
Short breaks: stay on your honor.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
or it makes the heart start to wander.
Forgiveness restores the way we were living.
Leads you to forget what was written,
you forget what was forgiven.
Desperate thoughts start to haunt her.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
or it makes your death a lot longer.
Running out of slots to save onto.
Hurt me once, shame on you.
Hurt me twice, shame on you.
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6. |
Neutral
03:50
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I just don’t wanna be hopeful
I don’t just wanna be good
I feel I’d rather be coastal
but I’m landlocked where no one sets foot
And I’m shot back into limbo
Fell straight down to the plane
Crashed too hard to write symbols
Too exhausted to be profane
And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral
Even if I know it’s not true
It feels hyper-realistic
I could be a hypochondriac
Because it might not be real but I still feel sick
And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral
And I don’t wanna be hopeless
Making hate when I can’t find love
If I never made you happy or you faked it
Hatred is better than knowing I was never enough
To tip scales either way
I’ve mapped it out with the math
I’m dead center on spectrum
Invisible line on a graph
And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral
And they say you’ve got nothing to fear though
But a slope to be sliding on
This warning sine around zero
You never know what side you’re on
And I just wanna be useful
Don’t wanna be felt neutrally
I don’t wanna be neutral
I feel unwantably neutral
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7. |
It's Over
03:21
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It starts with a twitch, a stitch in your chest
you’ve been choking for months and starving for years
of affection you lost, the catch in your throat
squeezes your neck and it wrings out your tears
Your heart pounds in your head, drilling into your brain
Loose space in your chest starts to wrench up your lungs
The words you’ve wanted to say
bite like a spike through the tip of your tongue
and it’s over, it’s over, it’s over, it’s…
The foundation is hot with saltwater and cracks
leaving lines in your face you could trace like a map
Vision like a vignette closing blurry and black
They don’t believe your love but they’ll believe the collapse
Lungs paralyzed as you try to speak,
to a part of parent’s pride you’ll never meet
And to the right guy, you find at your feet
And you fall in love and he thinks you’re sweet
and it’s over, it’s over, it’s over, it’s…
You try to act normal, like everybody is else worth his time
like somebody else’s tears are drowning you to sleep every night
When you breach the morning, trying to find the right thing to say
And if you tell a lie over and over, soon enough the truth goes away
And I’m over, you say, I’m over, you say, I’m over it
You remember the moment right before it was over
if you unwrote the last hour you could have it all back
You imagine a life: nice bright future beholden
But you had thought of a theory you had taken as fact
That was a sign of the way you say it could’ve gone
The snap of a heartstring you thought was too strong
You’re sustained on the stress that arrests your insides
You either die letting it out or the pain keeps you alive
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8. |
Relativize
04:33
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You can say it to yourself
if nobody else will recognize
You can mark out on your own
Goals set in milestone
Never let them
Never let them go
Relativize
If they won’t have your back
Or they won’t have you back
Then sanitize
You’re not alone just older
So cry on your own shoulder
Never let them
Never let them relativize you
Gotta get out of here
Yeah I thought about it
Get ‘em up out of your hair
Yeah I thought about it
Clear voices up in your head
Yeah I thought about ‘em
I can be the only one to cheer
But I don’t need to talk about it
They can relate it to some disease
But it’s crazier not to see the way you vocalize
Out of the buzzing behind your eyes
There’s nothing wrong support
But if you’re getting from the source
Never let them
Never let them relativize
If you don’t mind
You’ve got your own business to mind
There’s not right
For them to eye you and find it strange
And if you really wanna speak your mind
And they don’t wanna witness change
Then they should do the same
Pick somebody else and pick their brain
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9. |
Blocked
03:44
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I’m sorry to make you feel so upset,
unsure inside your worries, and insecure.
You’re pulling out all the stops, I bet,
to protect your prized possession just a little more.
but who’d you fix it, fix it, fix it for?
who’d you fix it, fix it, fix it for?
I wanna be the supportive kind
that the heart-to-heart she and I shared incentivized.
But I bet I’ll break off a bit of my mind,
not the vitamin to simulate sunshine; you’ll realize.
But did you fix it, fix it, fix it in time?
Did you fix it, fix it, fix it?
There are no bridges to burn down.
They tried to put one up but it fell
and all the workers drowned.
We’re kissing in the image maybe burned in your head.
Never cut contact now you wanted it dead.
Ghost in the recorder, you recorded over.
How’s the strength in your arms vs. the weight of what I said?
But can you fix it, fix it, fix it again?
Can you fix it, fix it, fix it?
There are no bridges here to raze.
The gap’s too wide to build one anyway.
And if I’m wrong, I’m sorry for the gasoline,
pocket full of sunshine, matches scattered on the scene.
Bent all out of shape before going off too soon.
You can be in love, that’s not a good enough excuse.
I’ll strike up a toast and say I suppose
you’re not a murderer for making a girl go ghost.
Maybe if you were stronger you’d see no longer
is this situation one in which I have imposed.
But can you fix that, fix that, fix that so?
Did you fix that, fix that, fix that so?
‘Cause you don’t get to choose who your friends talk to
give your reasons, and wish that they listen to you,
not your permission, not your dismissal.
Subscribe to the idea and the issue is with you.
But did you fix that, fix that, fix that, too?
Did you fix that, fix that, fix that, too?
Did you fix that, fix that, fix that?
There are no bridges here to raze.
The gap was too wide to build one in the first place.
I’m sorry to make you feel so upset.
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10. |
Whole Heart Shape
04:01
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Fix the notion that you’re broken
Find the motion to leave home
If your feeling heart is hopeless
You don’t have to hold it all alone
To cut it’s hard to hear
But the bandages are here
So brandish knives with care
Or vanish into air
We’ll hold our plates
Cut a hole heart-shaped
Bite the blacktop when you back out
Or blackout on the bathroom floor
To run away is overrated
Just let me in is all I’m asking for
To open’s hard to do
When the opening is you
But a doorway’s not the hole
where a person leaves their soul
We’ll hold our spades
And dig a hole heart-shaped
Wash away the way it held you
The weight of waiting to wake up
If its pull makes your heart heavy
It’s time for you two to break up
It’s not all your choice what to do
But it’s ours to help you through
So we’ll all bear the weight
As you fly up and escape
We’ll hold each piece in place
Make a whole heart shape
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11. |
Suddenly, Eventually
03:55
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Don’t wanna start pointing fingers
For fear of those going against the grain
Don’t wanna be a bee with a stinger
Leave an impression that’s defined by the pain
Don’t wanna be hook line and sinker
For fear of all the fish in the sea
A waste of time or replacement
Either is worthy of a catch and release
And I’ll know suddenly,
And I’ll know eventually.
I’ll know suddenly,
I’ll know.
Feels like a punch in the stomach
When I don’t know to stick or to move
I’m up against the ropes or I’m running
But it’s my decision to lose
Don’t wanna waste all your patience
If my condition’s too hard to diagnose
I hope when I see you in the future
I’ll try not to overdose
But I’ll know suddenly,
And I’ll know eventually.
Yeah I’ll know suddenly,
I’ll know.
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12. |
More To Read
04:54
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We can take our time, as much as you need
I’ll be there waiting, aerating that space with silence.
Crank up the range on the milage; I don’t care.
Just give me more to read.
And if it’s gone, give me a sign.
“No” will never bother me, but not knowing might.
No cracking heartbreak inside or love to bleed.
Just give me more time.
Push the waste aside and get over it.
There’s no place for pride, if I only tried you’d try again
So for this to end, let me know when and I am there.
Maybe you’ll go with it.
‘Cause I’ve been working on securing the eviction notice
And if I could talk with conviction then I think I’d solve it.
I wouldn’t think about you if I knew what to think about you
or maybe I still would.
And over time I learned your name.
But the first quarter is sort of all I really use,
so if I’m confusing you or I start losing you
then I’m over the games.
‘Cause maybe you’re just hard for me to read.
I check your eyes to summarize, but it’s a language I don’t speak.
So I’ll be patient for a translation
or you can spoil it for me.
‘Cause I’ve been working on securing the eviction notice
And if I could talk with conviction then I think I’d solve it.
I wouldn’t think about you if I knew what to think about you
or maybe I still would.
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Evan Diem Syracuse, New York
Relatable songs on overly-specific subjects.
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