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Distant Pulses

by Evan Diem

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1.
No Rush 03:22
I feel my body age in real time I hear my muscles ache and heal slow Something about it doesn’t yet feel right The way you make it easy is real though The things I used to hate get simpler The ways I wanna love get sinful I snap myself awake much quicker You caught me by surprise and made it simple No rush I play my advantage when you blanche Or blush I’m not into planning I’m out on the porch Or I’m in on the landing Wait and ruminate on the future Put my stock in where you go And all the strange ways to name a junior Could I wanna slip past a duo Missed the gate at seventeen like Granny But I can man the ship as a stand in Dad’s not mad about a half breed But you can sit and think on a handprint There’s no rush No rush No rush No rush We can fight the impulses Not be a couple culprits Beat back the compulsion Find each other’s pulses And find each other’s pulses Find each other’s pulses Find each other’s pulses Make sure there’s no rush I play my advantage when you blanche Or blush I’m not into planning I’m out on the porch Or I’m in on the landing
2.
You know all the places with a name Recognition sets foot on my face The ignition gets too hot You cool me down with a new thought What if I just stay? You know all the ins and outs of alleys Pull me up the mountains, down the valleys Push me into continental drift Nothing else will then move me more than this trip What if I just stay? What if I just stay? Every one with you is a good day to Think about the ways I can repay you With the brightest lights and tallest buildings Or the quiet cold where I’ve been living What if I just stay? What if I just stay? What if I just stay? What if I just stay? Or you can come back where the leaves change color If you like it just as much with me Before you leave, change color
3.
You said “I think you know to some degree Last November was kinda rough for me And I think it shows that’s putting it lightly But being in patient just isn’t really like me But I gave up watching my own back When I started watching yours That’s what I’m there for I used to be the solo kind But that model of me was just a Phi Lambda Phi prototype And you don’t take it out of me like a sore already does I can handle when you’re not demanding to make you priority one I ask before enacting and I err on the safer side Or at least I try You want a house, a dog, career, a car It’s only scary it’s only hard I want an ounce of calm, not a year apart It’s never scared me, that’s never paused I wanna tower guard, and a morning star It’s terrifying to feel this hard I would’ve stayed a vegetarian to honor the effect of our affection I think you know with certainty Being part of a partnership is kind tough for me You know I need to get away when I can’t take it any more you showed you’d care for me anywhere I know that’s what you’re there for I catch red flags in a couple of months But there were never any there for you So I married you”
4.
Proximity 02:51
You get undone by proximity too many times You stop wanting to get too close So it’s all fun what you’re sending me so many nights Risk flickering into ghost But all of those friends that you made back at home Have got nothing in common with you When you get the choice you make better ones all on your own Share more than a middle school There’s nothing you can do from a thousand miles away That someone closer can’t do just as well as you There’s nothing you can do to beat proximity The bitter sweet loves that you had to water down Are still potent when you drink And if you taste, what it leaves in your mouth Is stronger than you think And though you claim your status never changed You both know how far you were away And there’s nothing you can’t do from a half a foot away That someone further doesn’t wish they had the chance to And there’s nothing you can do that beats proximity
5.
I’m trying to keep my eyes unfocused On the things I wish I could ignore Like I’m patient waiting at a party I’m hosting And my eyes start darting over to the door I don’t wanna make all the parts a target Just because the arrow points on the dot The number on the bell could be marked by a something you hearted But most of the time I’m unsurprised when I’m finding it’s not ‘Cause every little pop up in the top right corner is you Every install update notification is your name breaking through You’re every single ding of the cellphone ring, it’s true But nobody ever knows that their messages composed are confused for you And if it ever is, it’s weird, it’s like a fist in the gut Feel I should be happy but the sappy turned it saccharine sweet Panic is the byproduct of wanting something too much Hit me on the answer machine if I’m gonna be obsolete ‘Cause every little pop up in the top right corner is you Every install update notification is your name breaking through You’re every single ding of the cellphone ring, it’s true But nobody ever knows that their messages composed are confused for you
6.
If my status changes Don’t blame me if it’s complicated I may not know it but I hate it If I’m afraid of changing ‘Cause I built my life this way then A landslide better come bring me down Confusion, Tacoma I’ll be moving there before it’s over There’ll be signs, symptoms Issues with my wishes And some things that aren’t quite sticking And there’s friction Between non- and fiction And if it seems like something’s missing bring me down Confusion, Tacoma I’ll be moving there before it’s over Confusion, Tacoma I’ll be moving there before it’s over When I’m saying nothing But I’m failing no one That’s something you can trust in Let this be your discussion Love me, I’ll be missing someone That’s something, bring me down When I’m finally crying And my mind is trying But it’s silent And you’re by my side And trying to be kind But I get violent, pull me down Confusion, Tacoma I’ll be moving there before it’s over Confusion, Tacoma I’ll be moving there before it’s over Confusion, Tacoma I’ll be moving there before it’s over (I need you to love me) If my status changes (I need you to know me) Don’t blame me (I need you to hear me) if it’s complicated, I (Still I need you with me) (I need you to love me) If my status changes (I need you to know me) Don’t blame me (I need you to hear me) if it’s complicated, I (Still I need you with me) (I need you to love me) If my status changes (I need you to know me) Don’t blame me (I need you to hear me) if it’s complicated, I (Still I need you with me) (I need you to love me) If my status changes (I need you to know me) Don’t blame me (I need you to hear me) if it’s complicated, I (Still I need you with me)
7.
There is no anger, there is no hate That’s the hardest part of the change If there was fuel, if there was fire There’d be something put out, there’d be something try But sometimes it’s going And then it just goes And sometimes you notice And sometimes you don’t ‘Cause you don’t even use me like you used to And that’s how I know If I was a fool and I confused you It had to show But you don’t have to see me if you don’t need me That’s how it goes But you don’t even use me like you used to And now I know And we coulda talked, we coulda fixed it Instead of robbing the court of a witness We could be civil if not the same And I’ll take the fault if I am to blame But sometimes it’s going And then it just goes And sometimes you notice Sometimes you don’t ‘Cause you don’t even use me like you used to And that’s how I know If I was a fool and I confused you It had to show But you don’t have to see me if you don’t need me That’s how it goes But you don’t even use me like you used to And now I know
8.
Measure 03:46
You brought me out to you one time You’ve brought me so much since then I know it’s not that you fix me I’m just excited to love my best friend In San Diego when you kissed me I started flying then and there There were too many people watching But it was the one time I didn’t care I try to think about a single moment But all that comes to me is when you’re holding Me close and my hand and me together But one time is not enough to measure Why I want you You feed me fries when I’m driving You maximize the time we have I want to keep you my co-pilot Not fantasize about the past It doesn’t matter when I met you I think time reset when I did And right then I must have picked a clover Closed my eyes and made a wish I try to think about a single moment But all that comes to me is when you’re holding Me close and my hand and me together But one time is not enough to measure Why I want you And we could have a February in the snow But you want to spend the dog days on the beach Every time I think there’s somewhere we can’t go You prove to me that nothing’s out of reach And I try to pin down what is that makes you mean so much to me But it’s not a point, a moment or solitary something you can see I try to think about a single moment But all that comes to me is when you’re holding Me close and my hand And me close and my hand And me close and my hand and me together But one time is not enough to measure Why I want you
9.
I can see your house from here Without ever really knowing it You can overhaul a mindset Without ever fully showing it I found out when I explored And I ended up outside your door I walked so many miles that day Less than a tenth of one from mine to yours I passed by that car I knew Front seats that once held me and you That’s as close as we would ever be And nothing more we wanted, too I fear there was convincing Or something was misunderstood It felt like I was rinsing Off something that was stained for good I don’t wanna lose a best friend again You know I could make it work if you wanted to make it work By the time I’m done singing I’d be at your front door
10.
Look where you’re planted. Did they know you’d be essential? Look where you rise up even with the odds against you A force in the morning bringing up the people with you with the work that you put in caring for and bearing of fruits They will grow, despite concrete They will grow, despite concrete You pushed on the pavement, singing songs and talking to screens; you rise through the ceiling like hot air if the basement had heat You lift from the mattress: singular and worn out and shared You still put a pin up in a cork board of goals and your hair You will grow, despite concrete You will grow, despite concrete You’ve been beaten backwards by lovers and teachers and luck had branches clipped off, felt so insurmountably stuck Chronic conditions: biological or product of fate it makes you feel so small when you’re growing whole years in a day Still you grow, despite concrete Still you grow, despite concrete When babies are blossomed they sag you far down with their weight and fathers are far off or tired from their work the next day But you don’t get time off when standing up is work in itself You’ve never been helpless, you just weren’t given the help But you grow, despite concrete But you grow, despite concrete I see in the future when I’m standing up under your shade the wind that can knock me down only ever gets you to sway I say what you taught me when you thought of and bought me the book about a house on a street I say it for who grew despite concrete Despite concrete I will grow, despite concrete I will grow, despite concrete I will grow, despite concrete I will grow, despite concrete I will grow, despite concrete I will grow, despite concrete I will grow, despite concrete

about

There are many channels through and obstacles around which feelings pass given time and space. A relationship, injected with distance grows stronger (strikingly similar to how absence makes the heart) and suffused with time, it tends to heals wounds. However, these are only the glib overstatements on the subject.

I have a lot of people in my life who I care a lot about who I don't see regularly, whether they be current or former lovers, current or former friends, or current or former enemies. This album is about those people in many different directions both literally and figuratively.

Thank you to Ellie, Kendall, Charlie, Jax, Jenn, Al, and many others for your inspiration. The amount I care about all of you grows, despite anything.

credits

released September 8, 2023

NO RUSH
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars
Ben Mueller - bass, drums, guitar outro

TAKE ME AROUND
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic guitars
Ben Mueller - bass, drums, mandolin
Christopher Bill - trumpet, trombone
Kaitlin Grady - cello

WHAT YOU’RE THERE FOR
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, keyboards, whistle solo
Ben Mueller - drums, percussion, electric guitar
Christopher Bill - trumpet, trombone

PROXIMITY
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, keyboards
Ben Mueller - bass, drums
Kaitlin Grady - cello

TOP RIGHT CORNER
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass
Ben Mueller - drums, backing vocals

CONFUSION TACOMA WASHINGTON
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, keyboards
Ben Mueller - bass, drums, percussion
Christopher Bill - trumpet
Opal Kelly - backing vocals

USE ME LIKE YOU USED TO
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, keyboards
Ben Mueller - drums, backing vocals
Ruben DeLaGarza - guitar solo

MEASURE
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, mandolin, keyboards
Ben Mueller - drums, electric guitar, backing vocals
Christopher Bill - trumpet, trombone

NEARLY NEIGHBORS
Evan Debevec-McKenney - vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, keyboards
Ben Mueller - drums

DESPITE CONCRETE
Evan Debevec-McKenney- vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, mandolin, keyboards, claps
Ben Mueller - bass, drums, claps
Christopher Bill - trumpet, trombone


DISTANT PULSES - EVAN DIEM

Personnel:
Evan Debevec-McKenney - vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, keyboards, mandolin
Ben Mueller - drums, percussion, bass, electric guitar, mandolin, backing vocals
Christopher Bill - trumpet, trombone
Kaitlin Grady - cellos
Opal Kelly - backing vocals
Ruben DeLaGarza - electric guitar

Album art by Ryan Bibisi (www.instagram.com/artbybibisi/?hl=en)

Produced by Evan Debevec-McKenney and Ben Mueller
Recorded at Evan’s house in Syracuse, NY and Janky Sounds in Windsor, CT
Mixed and Mastered by Ben Mueller at Janky Sounds

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Evan Diem Syracuse, New York

Relatable songs on overly-specific subjects.

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